Monday, December 27, 2010

SMEG vs. smegma

The Italian company Smeg makes beautiful appliances. The refrigerators in particular have a retro style that I love.

The only problem is that the company's name, SMEG, is plastered in large letters across the fridge door. "Smeg" reminds me of smegma (dick cheese, for those of you not in the know), and I can't imagine thinking of dick cheese everytime I went to grab something to eat out of the fridge. The other problem is they cost like two grand, but seriously I cannot get past the name.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Damon: Bust of the Ages™ (winter version) and I both wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Something funny someone else said

When I worked my first office job, I didn't really like having to dress up so I made a habit of pushing the limits of what was acceptable business casual attire. As I was explaining this appropriate work clothing experiment to a friend, he asked "Have you worn just a barrel and suspenders yet?"

It was funny.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I'm just confused

The Internet tells me that Bret Michaels just got engaged to his "long-time girlfriend", which confuses me because if he has a "long-time" girlfriend, what was he doing on that Rock of Love (aka 'Who's the Whore-iest?' or 'Find Me a Skank') show or the following Rock of Love Bus show (aka 'Sluts on the Move')? I don't get it.

Some other current popular culture things I don't understand:

Foursquare. I know what it is (as of earlier today), I just don't see why anyone would want to broadcast their location at all times. The kids were anti-Big Brother back in my day.

"Don't get fizzy, let's get dizzy" is a lyric that confused me until I looked it up just now. First of all, the song is by Pink (I thought it was that Ke$ha girl), and the lyric is "don't be fancy, just get dancy." I guess that makes sense. And I guess I don't know what Ke$ha or Pink sounds like.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Funny things someone else said

When I was in college I made my boyfriend go with me to see the terrible movie Bad Girls at the dollar theatre. Literally, a ticket cost just a dollar.

I should have known that a movie about cowgirl prostitutes wasn't going to be a winner, but I was a big Drew Barrymore fan at the time. Anyway, as we were both suffering through a particularly stupid scene, he leaned over to me and asked "Do you suppose that horse is chewing my dollar?"

It was funny.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Happy Birthday Jonny!

Happy Birthday to my favorite youngest brother! Jonny is the baby of our family and sometimes I'm so protective of him it's as if he were my baby.

A few years ago some poor sap made the mistake of mouthing off to Jonny in my presence, causing my "Mama Bear" persona to surface. I immediately intervened and got in the offender's face.

I'm a nice girl, but if you are mean or even think about being mean to one of my brothers, I will step to you and you'd better be ready to throw down because I don't kid around when it comes to protecting the ones I love.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Wonderwall by Oasis covered by Ryan Adams.

I am not an Oasis fan. Their music is blah to me and the egos on those brothers, ugh. I can't really say I'm a Ryan Adams fan either. I like him ok, I just don't love any of his music. A lot of his stuff is really close to something I could fall in love with, but it falls short. But put Oasis and Ryan Adams together and what do you get? This beautiful gem of a song.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I got your yard-o-beef right here!

The little red light bulb at the end of the knife lights up!
Even cutting the cheese (hee-hee) can be Christmasy!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Welcome to Christmas Town

My mom does Christmas in a huge way.

Some of it is kind of creepy.

Some of it is cute.

All of it is Christmasy.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Yes, it is a big whoop

This morning I had the plastic splints removed from inside my nose and I've spent the rest of the day breathing through my nostrils. Both nostrils, same time. Long, deep breaths. That might not seem like a big deal to most people, but it's something I haven't been able to do in decades so it's totally a big deal to me. I love it!

I also realized that I haven't sneezed even once in the past week, which is another miracle of sorts. Before I had this surgery I sneezed probably ten times in the first two hours of my day, every day. I'm like a whole new person!

This is the recuperation cocoon where I spent the last week. The beautiful roses were a 'get well soon' gift from my sweet brothers.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Dropout by Urge Overkill.

This song is good and droney.

The lyric "hanging out in the parking lot at Dairy Queen" reminds me of Parker Posey as Libby Mae Brown in Waiting for Guffman. She's been working at the DQ for about . . . eight months.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Jessie Spano said it best

My surgery is tomorrow at noon and now that it's so close I'm kind of getting nervous about it. I'm looking forward to a new and improved snot-free me once I'm all better, but I'm not looking forward to pain and recovery and such.

I'm so excited. I'm so . . . scared Zach.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Can't go wrong with argyle, I always say

I found this sweater last weekend at Target, on sale for only $10 (steal!).

When I got home, I realized that I own a pair of socks (also from Target, from three years ago) that match the sweater exactly.

Isn't that something?

More Christmas Decorations

The kitchen needed a little Christmas cheer, and some construction paper, a few magnets, and these holiday photos of my little brothers and their friend Ryan from a few years ago did the trick.

Seriously, look at how ridiculous these guys are!

It's Christmas up in here!

I finally got around to decorating the house for Christmas. The original soundtrack for the decorating frenzy was A Christmas Album by Bright Eyes, but man, leave it to Conor Oberst to take the music of the merriest holiday and turn it into a downer. Lighten up pal! Once I switched to some Tony Bennett Christmas songs I was able to get in the proper festive spirit.

Maggie Simpson is always the star on my tree.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Credit Hours

You ever notice how a lot of times an actor's rise to fame involves them leaving college "just three credits" short of graduating to move to LA or New York? Or one semester or two classes or whatever, something about how they were this close to finishing.

I would like to read about an actor who dropped out of college "just 114 credit hours" shy of graduating to start their acting career.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Leader of the Pack by the Shangri-Las.

I love the music of girl bands from the 1960's in general and this song in particular is fun to sing along with, especially while driving. It's not required, but if you really scream the line "I met him at the candy store", it enhances your enjoyment of the whole song.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The doctor says I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Guess what? I'm all excited because I recently scheduled a surgery to fix my nose. Not fix it like a nose job; I'm pretty sure the outside appearance of my nose will remain unchanged, and that's ok with me. It would be weird to not have the same nose as my mom and all of my brothers anymore.

For all of my adult life I have been Sneezy Stuffed-Up Runny Nose Girl, and last week I found out that's because my nose innards are a complete mess. I'm looking forward to, after the surgery and proper healing time, being able to breathe through both nostrils at the same time (what's that like?!), being able to leave the house without a pocketful of tissue, and being able to not have to blow my nose dozens (no exaggeration) of times a day. How exciting!

* post title brought to you by the always charming and insightful Ralph Wiggam