Monday, December 27, 2010

SMEG vs. smegma

The Italian company Smeg makes beautiful appliances. The refrigerators in particular have a retro style that I love.

The only problem is that the company's name, SMEG, is plastered in large letters across the fridge door. "Smeg" reminds me of smegma (dick cheese, for those of you not in the know), and I can't imagine thinking of dick cheese everytime I went to grab something to eat out of the fridge. The other problem is they cost like two grand, but seriously I cannot get past the name.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Damon: Bust of the Ages™ (winter version) and I both wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Something funny someone else said

When I worked my first office job, I didn't really like having to dress up so I made a habit of pushing the limits of what was acceptable business casual attire. As I was explaining this appropriate work clothing experiment to a friend, he asked "Have you worn just a barrel and suspenders yet?"

It was funny.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I'm just confused

The Internet tells me that Bret Michaels just got engaged to his "long-time girlfriend", which confuses me because if he has a "long-time" girlfriend, what was he doing on that Rock of Love (aka 'Who's the Whore-iest?' or 'Find Me a Skank') show or the following Rock of Love Bus show (aka 'Sluts on the Move')? I don't get it.

Some other current popular culture things I don't understand:

Foursquare. I know what it is (as of earlier today), I just don't see why anyone would want to broadcast their location at all times. The kids were anti-Big Brother back in my day.

"Don't get fizzy, let's get dizzy" is a lyric that confused me until I looked it up just now. First of all, the song is by Pink (I thought it was that Ke$ha girl), and the lyric is "don't be fancy, just get dancy." I guess that makes sense. And I guess I don't know what Ke$ha or Pink sounds like.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Funny things someone else said

When I was in college I made my boyfriend go with me to see the terrible movie Bad Girls at the dollar theatre. Literally, a ticket cost just a dollar.

I should have known that a movie about cowgirl prostitutes wasn't going to be a winner, but I was a big Drew Barrymore fan at the time. Anyway, as we were both suffering through a particularly stupid scene, he leaned over to me and asked "Do you suppose that horse is chewing my dollar?"

It was funny.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Happy Birthday Jonny!

Happy Birthday to my favorite youngest brother! Jonny is the baby of our family and sometimes I'm so protective of him it's as if he were my baby.

A few years ago some poor sap made the mistake of mouthing off to Jonny in my presence, causing my "Mama Bear" persona to surface. I immediately intervened and got in the offender's face.

I'm a nice girl, but if you are mean or even think about being mean to one of my brothers, I will step to you and you'd better be ready to throw down because I don't kid around when it comes to protecting the ones I love.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Wonderwall by Oasis covered by Ryan Adams.

I am not an Oasis fan. Their music is blah to me and the egos on those brothers, ugh. I can't really say I'm a Ryan Adams fan either. I like him ok, I just don't love any of his music. A lot of his stuff is really close to something I could fall in love with, but it falls short. But put Oasis and Ryan Adams together and what do you get? This beautiful gem of a song.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I got your yard-o-beef right here!

The little red light bulb at the end of the knife lights up!
Even cutting the cheese (hee-hee) can be Christmasy!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Welcome to Christmas Town

My mom does Christmas in a huge way.

Some of it is kind of creepy.

Some of it is cute.

All of it is Christmasy.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Yes, it is a big whoop

This morning I had the plastic splints removed from inside my nose and I've spent the rest of the day breathing through my nostrils. Both nostrils, same time. Long, deep breaths. That might not seem like a big deal to most people, but it's something I haven't been able to do in decades so it's totally a big deal to me. I love it!

I also realized that I haven't sneezed even once in the past week, which is another miracle of sorts. Before I had this surgery I sneezed probably ten times in the first two hours of my day, every day. I'm like a whole new person!

This is the recuperation cocoon where I spent the last week. The beautiful roses were a 'get well soon' gift from my sweet brothers.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Dropout by Urge Overkill.

This song is good and droney.

The lyric "hanging out in the parking lot at Dairy Queen" reminds me of Parker Posey as Libby Mae Brown in Waiting for Guffman. She's been working at the DQ for about . . . eight months.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Jessie Spano said it best

My surgery is tomorrow at noon and now that it's so close I'm kind of getting nervous about it. I'm looking forward to a new and improved snot-free me once I'm all better, but I'm not looking forward to pain and recovery and such.

I'm so excited. I'm so . . . scared Zach.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Can't go wrong with argyle, I always say

I found this sweater last weekend at Target, on sale for only $10 (steal!).

When I got home, I realized that I own a pair of socks (also from Target, from three years ago) that match the sweater exactly.

Isn't that something?

More Christmas Decorations

The kitchen needed a little Christmas cheer, and some construction paper, a few magnets, and these holiday photos of my little brothers and their friend Ryan from a few years ago did the trick.

Seriously, look at how ridiculous these guys are!

It's Christmas up in here!

I finally got around to decorating the house for Christmas. The original soundtrack for the decorating frenzy was A Christmas Album by Bright Eyes, but man, leave it to Conor Oberst to take the music of the merriest holiday and turn it into a downer. Lighten up pal! Once I switched to some Tony Bennett Christmas songs I was able to get in the proper festive spirit.

Maggie Simpson is always the star on my tree.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Credit Hours

You ever notice how a lot of times an actor's rise to fame involves them leaving college "just three credits" short of graduating to move to LA or New York? Or one semester or two classes or whatever, something about how they were this close to finishing.

I would like to read about an actor who dropped out of college "just 114 credit hours" shy of graduating to start their acting career.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Leader of the Pack by the Shangri-Las.

I love the music of girl bands from the 1960's in general and this song in particular is fun to sing along with, especially while driving. It's not required, but if you really scream the line "I met him at the candy store", it enhances your enjoyment of the whole song.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The doctor says I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Guess what? I'm all excited because I recently scheduled a surgery to fix my nose. Not fix it like a nose job; I'm pretty sure the outside appearance of my nose will remain unchanged, and that's ok with me. It would be weird to not have the same nose as my mom and all of my brothers anymore.

For all of my adult life I have been Sneezy Stuffed-Up Runny Nose Girl, and last week I found out that's because my nose innards are a complete mess. I'm looking forward to, after the surgery and proper healing time, being able to breathe through both nostrils at the same time (what's that like?!), being able to leave the house without a pocketful of tissue, and being able to not have to blow my nose dozens (no exaggeration) of times a day. How exciting!

* post title brought to you by the always charming and insightful Ralph Wiggam

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Baby Fish Mouth

I know I should be watching Rudulph the Red Nosed Reindeer or How the Grinch Stole Christmas, both of which are on tv right now, but I can't stop myself from watching When Harry Met Sally yet again, on VHS no less. I've been going through something with that movie lately that I can't quite explain.

Anything that gets me out of doing these dishes is a welcome diversion.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Yeah by Usher, featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris.

This is my jam.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just a few of the thousands of things I am thankful for . . .

I am thankful . . .
That I was born into the family I was born into
That I have a job and a place to live
That I am healthy
That my mom and dad are alive
That I get to see my niece again next month
The great Autumn we've had
This blog
That I am a good sleeper
That my back doesn't hurt all the time anymore
That I don't have any diseases, especially not diabetes
That I don't get migraines
For all the happiness I get out of music
That I discovered The Avett Brothers
That I can think of something to be thankful for every day before I even get out of bed
That God's mercies are new every morning
That Christmas is only 31 days away
That I haven't had to put any money into my car this year
That I am going to the doctor soon to get my hurty nose healed
That I don't have to do homework or study for tests
That I'll get to pick out new glasses next month
That I no longer dread Mondays
For free time
That I don't smoke anymore
For my trusty laptop
For Mom & Dad, Chris & Kathy (& Amanda & Andrew & Max), Rich, Mike, Ben & Jill (& Sawyer), and Jonny
For the technology that allows us to record television

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

No Nirvana, huh?

Genius has done it again! Look at this brilliant mix it made for me based on Nearly Lost You.
(Wouldn't it be awesome if I knew how to do stuff and you could listen to all these songs instead? That won't be happening any time soon because, unlike Rachel, I do not have excellent compuper skills)

Nearly Lost You - Screaming Trees
Seether - Veruca Salt
Miss World - Hole
Drown - Smashing Pumpkins
Pretend We're Dead - L7
Lump - Presidents of the United States
Santa Monica - Everclear
This Is a Call - Foo Fighters
Head On - Jesus and Mary Chain
She Don't Use Jelly - Flaming Lips
Live Forever - Oasis
Teen Angst (What the World Needs Now) - Cracker
Suck You Dry - Mudhoney
Monkey Gone to Heaven - Pixies
Dollar Bill - Screaming Trees
So Alive - Love & Rockets
The One Thing -INXS
I Got You - Split Enz
Outshined - Soundgarden
Rhinoceros - Smashing Pumpkins
Supernova - Liz Phair
Cannonball - Breeders
Big Me - Foo Fighters
Feel The Pain - Dinosaur Jr
Stop - Jane's Addiction

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Never Going Back Again by Fleetwood Mac.

You know how you have some songs that you can listen to after a bad day at work or after any kind of less than ideal situation and they will calm you right down? This is one of mine.

Not only does it always manage to calm me down and somehow right the world, but it also makes me smile when I think of how my brother Jonny likes to sings one of the lines completely wrong. His explanation is that the lyrics to this song can be sang different ways by different people, but "been down to wonton, been down to Tuscon" will never be right, no matter what. It doesn't even make any sense! How does one go down to wonton?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Kirsten Dunst's hair and Simon Pegg's eyes in How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

I'm in the midst of a Simon Pegg kick, so I watched How to Lose Friends and Alienate People last night. I enjoyed the movie (love that Simon!), but my favorite part was Kirsten Dunst's hair in her first few scenes (shown in the picture above). It was this really cool braid that somehow went all around her head in a seemingly endless loop. How do hair stylists execute these amazing hairstyles? They must be magicians. It's all I can do to pull my hair up into a ponytail.

Other than braid lust, the other thing that was in the back of my head the whole movie was wondering if Simon was wearing a contact lens in one eye, or maybe contact lenses in both eyes. Something I've noticed about him that I find completely charming is the fact that one of his eyes is both blue and brown. Per his wikipedia page, that kind of thing is called sectoral heterochromia. In this movie both his eyes appear to be blue.

Simon Pegg's eyes are pretty. He's such a dreamboat. He's got a clear case of Big Nostril, Little Nostril, but I love him anyway.

Don't knock yourself down

Last night on Parenthood Adam gave his niece Amber a perfect piece of advice after she admitted that she didn't want to go to a college interview because she was scared she would screw it up: "Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don't knock yourself down."

Well said, Adam, well said. I love his character more and more lately. He had a great speech a couple weeks ago explaining to his dad what lead him to punch a stranger who had called his son a name.

Jason Katims is a producer on Parenthood and on Friday Night Lights, and I don't know if he's the only connection or if those two shows share a casting agent or what, but Vince's druggie mom from FNL (Angela Rawna) showed up on Parenthood last night as Zeek and Camille's marriage counselor! Vince (Michael B. Jordan) is currently on the show, and Lyla (Minka Kelly) shows up periodically. I would love it if Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch) showed up one of these episodes. I would love it if Tim Riggins showed up at my front door right now. We'll see.

In closing, "Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don't knock yourself down." Yep.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Talking about coffee breath turns into a story about church camp‏

While I have enjoyed my recent foray into coffee drinking, one of the things I don't like about it is the resultant stinky breath.

Coffee breath is gross, and I'm hyper-conscious of it so after I'm done with my couple cups in the morning, I immediately brush my teeth to try to wash away the smell from my mouth and the stain from my teeth. My teeth are so much whiter since I quit smoking and I don't want a beverage to mess that up.

I'm glad I don't smoke anymore because drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes would create the worst breath imaginable. Might as well just eat poop.

This one time on the bus on the way to church camp in junior high, some guy whose name I can't remember drew the funniest picture of this other guy that had terrible breath. It was a little cartoon guy with flames coming out of his mouth and that image still pops into my head every once in a blue moon and makes me laugh out loud.

The one guy was a really good artist, and the other guy really did have hideously bad breath. That week he earned the moniker Bad Breath Dieu (his name was Dieu). I remember he also didn't bring any money with him on that trip, not a dime, and we all had to donate a dollar so he could buy food on the way there and back. We would have gladly chipped in extra for him to buy some mouthwash.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Coffee Pee

Recently I was talking to a friend about how sometimes when I drink a ton of coffee my pee smells like coffee, only on accident I asked her "Do you ever drink so much coffee that your pee tastes like coffee?" My error caused her eyes to grow comically huge with terror.

But seriously, do you ever drink so much coffee that your pee smells just like coffee?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Situation by Yaz.

I loved this song in the eighties, I loved it in the nineties, I loved it in whatever we're calling the last decade (the 2000's?), I love it now.

"The 2000's" sounds horrible to me. Yuck. I don't like "the 2010's" either. I guess for the rest of my life I'm going to avoid calling decades past the nineties (ah, just rolls so easily off the tongue!) anything at all.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Happiness is . . .

Happiness is finding a perfect new pair of slippers at my beloved Family Dollar,

and being able to throw away my old busted pair.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Brotherly Love

Last night as Jonny was following me up the steps to our house, he said "Lar, I don't tell you this often enough, but . . ." and I smiled to myself, wondering what he would say next. I was thinking maybe "I'm glad you're my sister" or "I love you", something thoughtful and loving like that.

Just as I was basking in the warm glow of anticipated brotherly love, he finished his sentence: " . . . sweet tat."

He wasn't being thoughtful at all, he just had a good view of the terrible tattoo on the small of my back and decided to make fun of it for the millionth time.

Ah, brotherly love!

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Pickle Song

The summer I turned five my family went to Estes Park, Colorado for vacation. All six of us (my youngest brother Jonny wasn't born yet, and Ben was a baby so he stayed at home with my grandparents) packed into our station wagon for the cross-country trip. During that drive, I made up a song that I enjoyed the sound of so much that I sang it the entire way there. The only lyric was simple yet satisfying: "Pickles, pickles, I like pickles."

My brothers yelled at me to stop singing, they begged my mom to make me stop singing, but I just had to sing! I didn't like pickles when I was little, still don't like them, but that song was just so hypnotically catchy!

That vacation was great. My parents bought us all down coats. My brothers' coats were brown, mine was green.

We all got these little furry animal hides (rabbit?), and I got this Madame Alexander Little Huggums doll that I picked out myself and promptly named Timmy. Timmy and I were tight for a long time; I slept with him until sophomore year in college. It's creepy to have a doll on your bed as an adult, so now he lives on a shelf in my closet.

He's old and threadbare now, but this is what he would have looked like back in 1978:

I might buy a new Timmy on ebay as a Christmas present to myself, not because I would ever want to replace Timmy himself, but because he deserves a new outfit. As a Christmas present to my parents and my older brothers, I'd like to book some studio time so I can officially record my number one hit, Pickles, Pickles, I Like Pickles.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Daylight Savings Time

Did you know we were supposed to change the clocks back an hour?
I did not, didn't figure it out until just now. It explains a lot about my day though, like why my five minute trip to the gas station took almost an hour.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Friday Favorite

One of my all-time tried-and-true favorite songs is Monkberry Moon Delight by Paul McCartney.

I can't believe I had never even heard this song until earlier this year. Even harder to believe, I was introduced to this song by a thirteen year old (now a sage fourteen year old), my favorite high schooler Spencer Tweedy.

Paul's voice really packs a powerful punch here. I love songs where the lyrics are so passionately loud they're almost screamed. Not yelled like death metal, but more like it sounds like the singer just can't hold back what they're feeling. A good example would be this song, the Beatles' Wild Honey Pie, or any number of Pixies songs.

This doesn't actually have anything to do with Devo

You know how Mark Mothersbaugh is like the coolest and he's responsible for so much cool music? That's right, I said "like the coolest." Do you furthermore know that he owns his particular look, embodied by his glasses? As far as I know he has never made this claim, but I am. No one else is allowed to wear those glasses, only Mark Mothersbaugh. That's just the way it is.

Do you know this guy named Randall Poster who is "music supervisor" for tons of movies with really great music? At first I though he was like the coolest too, but then when I actually saw what he looks like, I totally changed my tune. He's trying to pull off Mark Mothersbaugh glasses! Not ok, Randall Poster, NOT OK. That look belongs to one person and one person only.

Plus I think a music supervisor for a movie just obtains rights for songs that the director wants in the movie, which is a pretty pedestrian task, so he no longer impresses me. There is no denying the fact that he is attached to some impressive film/movie combos, but he killed whatever chance he had with me when he chose those frames. More like Randall Poser.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

This One Time . . .

The first half of this year I tutored twice a week at the library. For a couple months in a row, every time I walked into the building I was asked to sign a petition for some political something or other. Normally I patiently listened to a quick synopsis of the issue, then either signed or politely declined.

One day I was cranky from my day at work, was tired of consistently getting hit up to sign a piece of paper when all I wanted to do was walk into the library, and had simply reached my patience and politeness limit. In what was admittedly not my best moment, I said something snarky to poor Petition Pete (not his real name) as I hurried into the building. Five seconds later, realizing that I was still wearing my sunglasses (prescription) and had left my regular glasses out in the car, I regretted that decision. I had picked the wrong moment to feign bravado. I was too embarrassed to run out to the car, grab my glasses, then run back in because I'd have to shamefully scurry across the path of Petition Pete not once but twice.

I am not a tough person, just a chicken with really bad vision, so I ended up wearing my sunglasses inside for a couple hours.