Sunday, August 8, 2010

Times I Have Been Pooped on by Birds



1. I was eighteen years old, sitting on the front porch of the house I grew up in, smoking my first cigar. The situation was strange enough already (why was I smoking a cigar?), but it got stranger still when suddenly a bird pooped on my knee. The poop was white.

2. I was in my mid-twenties, eating lunch with a friend at a Chicago park during our lunch break. I had just bitten into the first half of a delicious sandwich when a bird pooped onto my forehead. The poop got in my hair, on my face, and on both halves of my sandwich. After not moving or responding in any way for a good ten seconds, my friend interrupted my shock and disbelief by suggesting that I go inside and wash the poop off. The poop was green.

3. Probably a year after #2 (hee-hee), still in Chicago, I was walking down the street minding my own business when I felt something wet drop onto my arm. A quick glance up into a tree revealed a ballsy-looking bird just staring back at me like he had every right to poop on me. The poop was clear-ish.

8 comments:

  1. When can we expect the post where you talk about all the times you were willingly pooped on?

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  2. I'd be happy to address that right now - I have never been willingly pooped on.
    Poop is gross. And it stinks. Like poop.

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  3. Maybe that's how birds show you they care.

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  4. If that is so, I'd like them to show me they care in some other way. Maybe they could make me a sweet dream catcher out of some of their feathers.

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  5. I am laughing outloud! I just pictured each of the 3 scenarios in my head...I kind of hope I am with you when the 4th one rolls around. What color will it be this time??? Pesky birds.

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  6. Jill! I hope there's not a 4th time. Yuck.

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  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  8. HAHAHAHAHAHHA, I LOVED THIS! MY GOD!I HATE THOSE BIRDS.................. THEY WERE CREATED TO POOP.

    http://soymanjerona.wordpress.com/

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